hastheonetheonly's Blog

so i do have wizard dreams, but i'm usually the wizard. this time i saw from the perspective of a wizard, but it definitely wasn't me because I appeared later in the dream. he had a different appearance from my normal conjurer of spells. 

it starts as a man gone insane. there's been a series of murders in nazi germany, 1930s. the deaths were unexplainable because the people had giant holes blasted into them with white around the edges, as if the blood had been instantaneously drained from the spot while the rest of the body looked pink and full of blood. the man had long greasy black hair, about 5'8'' dark bags under his blood shot eyes, and skin the color of the wounds he inflicted. in short, he was disgusting.
once he was reprimanded, having killed about 12 officers in the process, his brain was examined using technology that "wasn't available" at the time. in real life fMRI machinery didn't exist, but in my dream, secret military intel. did posses the technology or something similar. they determined that there was an area of his brain that was dead, or at least grossly inactive. into this place in his brain they injected a small amount of muscle tissue, which killed that area and the neighboring areas. once several action potentials had been sent through that tissue, the tissue, muscle and nerve, fell off. the experimenters had created a serum that they thought would stimulate nerve growth and stop his murderous behavior. WARNING! this is total science fiction mumbo jumbo and not true at all! this would never work or happen in real life but in dream life its totally truth. 

their plan worked. when he woke he no longer had murderous intent; his hair went from greasy black to stark white. His sorcery skill grew to a level never before or ever since matched:  he perfected infinite youth, and spontaneous life. he could transmute oxygen into gold, dirt into man. not only that, he was massively intelligent.

nearly a century passes and he becomes dean of the biology department at a college that gears students for med school. his appearance matched his eccentricity: long and full, healthy white hair, a mustache and goatee like that of Guy Fawkes, and he wore velvet suits with large cuffs and coattails that were outdated even in the 30s.  He stepped into every class to offer lectures or insight the professors missed, and he entered every lab and intimidated his students (students who had what he called "the gift" were not intimidated by him). without the students realizing it, he was teaching them some of his magic. Was it biology they were learning? or was it magic?

I woke up after one of his visits to my genetics lab. he made students fall to the ground crying, drop their bacterial cultures, and explode microscopes.

"where did you go?" she said. "I can't believe you're back. He explained that he'd gone far away, and he wouldn't be back for her in the same way he was before. She was curious, but knew asking more questions wouldn't get a more descriptive answer- he was never very good words. He was good with his eyes though, she knew something had happened- that something was wrong but for this moment it was alright. 
"i want to show you something." his face had a natural smile on it all the time. to her it looked like a smile but inside he was kind of nervous. this would change everything. he offered her his arms; she climbed inside. they embraced warmly for several long heavy breaths. his chest felt stony and soft at the same time, a place she knew she could always rest. his hands barely touched her, such a light touch. "close your eyes" he whispered to her. it didn't matter, her eyes were already closed. after his whispers fled his lips he gripped her more strongly- she opened her eyes to cold wind and the ground fleeing from under their feet. he'd never held her like that before. was he flying?

they were flying. the wind gusted around them too quickly for words to be exchanged. she looked up to him and his brown eyes were filled with confidence. hers weren't, but in his soft strong grip she didn't have to squirm to feel safe. she was safe. 

they landed on a ledge with an out of place tree. she couldn't find words to ask the questions in her head, nor could she find the tears though her heart was filled with sorrow. he said one sentence and vanished into the breeze "I wasn't perfect, but I got wings anyway."

when i first fell asleep i imagined my boyfriend was laying on the bed behind me. then i heard dad downstairs saying my sister going to school outta town was a convict.  she killed someone and she was on the run. we still had contact with her through her cell phone. so we plan an emergency trip down there on that long ass 4 hour drive. on the way dad hits something and we crash. my phone breaks.

so we get there and get our hotel. she makes it to the hotel we're staying at and then we actually start running for some reason. the hotel has turned into a mental institute. there are ladies in white coats pushing carts full of drugs and needles and cloths. she says she will help me in just a minute. then i start running the other way because i'm not a mental patient and she thinks i am so i have to get out before they suspect anything. then there's more and more of the ladies saying the same thing "i'll help you in just a minute" then there's guys in suits approaching from down the hall 3 of them. i see a door and i'm able to push through and there's samuel l jackson from pulp fiction (fro and all) yelling at me to get out and into his car. he asks me where my sister is and i say we got separated and she's not going to make it out. 

shortly after i wake up.

i keep having these dreams about this witch and i've really done myself a disservice by not blogging about them. i'm going to talk about 3 in the order they occured, and only 2 that i remember in tremendous detail. there may have been another a while back that i may or may not get into. i can't remember all the details about that one.

dream 1
i dreamed i was a very powerful wizard. my hair was white and down to my thighs. one of my friends from high school was the witch i'll refer to throughout the rest of the dream, though i'm certain her imaged changed in the other 2 dreams. she was wearing this tight red dress that pushed up her d sized breasts. she had a scarlet hat on to match the dress. i knew wandering around this cramped room full of shelves with spells and ingredients that she was my nemesis and i was out of my element. i knew though, as powerful wizards do, that i was stronger than her and could easily overpower her if she challenged me. she didn't though she continued to back away from me and turn her back to me walking aggressively away. i tried to reason with her saying we didn't need to battle and we didn't need to kill each other. after the words i spoke to her she conjured a man servant. her magic couldn't touch me and she knew it, so she threw something else at me to try to combat me. her slave though was frightened of me because he was of her magic. i hissed at the monster and he backed away torard his commander. 

this dream was more about understanding of what it meant to be a strong wizard. i knew my magic could carry me through whatever i needed it to do because i was wise and understood all of my abilities. there was no need to brag or demonstrate my magic because of the modesty and knowledge that it shouldn't be wasted. i was powerful, my enemy wasn't. i think in the following dreams because i didn't use this magic it was locked away and it will become of use when i need it again to challenge the enemy.

dream 2
this one was the most brief and more of a blur than the others i had. it was a test designed just for me. my boyfriend and i had just watched the box with cameron diaz and james marsden. so i dreamed this witch presented me with 3 stones. all i had to do was choose a stone sitting in front of me. their colors were onyx black, painted white and a deep sparkly scarlet. each of them did something different. one killed me, another killed my boyfriend, a third killed both of us, and if i picked none of them the wolves surrounding us would tear us apart. ultimately the decision was easy, all i had to do was pick one. she told me "choose the one you want". my boyfriend tried to tell me not to and that we could fight off the wolves. at least that way we both had a chance of surviving. i told him i wanted to pick the one that killed just me and that way he could get away unharmed. i kissed him because there wasn't much time and approached the pedestals with the stones on them.i understood what she meant by choosing the stone i wanted.  it didn't matter which stone i picked up because it would be the result i wanted. i picked the scarlet colored one. i felt myself slipping away and i felt my legs give out. my hearing became distant and my sight blurred white. i heard my boyfriend scream like he'd never screamed before and it sounded like he was held back. that meant he was alive. i don't know if he made it out alive because i'd killed myself. 

dream 3
the one i had last night was pretty hard to deal with. lots happened. at the beginning of the dream my one was being manipulated by her. the witch told me soon he would be hers and i tried to call her a liar. i tried to tell her she was wrong and he wouldn't leave me.  she said "if you want to kiss him now is the time because soon he won't even recognize you." what else could i do? i didn't hesitate for a second and i took his head in my hands and kissed him with all the passion i could contain between our lips. i felt the magic between us just fade away mid kiss. his lips went stiff and he took my hands off of him. i pulled back and he looked at me from a few inches above with misunderstanding and a bit of hate. the witch laughed and pulled him back with her magic shrouding me in black smoke.  

from the rest of the dream on she was torturing me. she took away my lover though so the rest wasn't as bad frankly. first i jumped into this super smash brothers video game world. there were these platforms that sank into the lava upon stepping on them. my partner was yelling to me my insecurities "you never listen! i should go first!" i thought this was the witch trying to mess with me and i knew being brave in these situations (in the game play at least) got me through. my partner burst into a bubble to keep themselves safe while i ran for it. there was more than once that i wasn't strong enough to jump from one to the next easily and stumbled on the edge. i made it through the lava and the next challenge was perilous heights. my partner went for it this time and i burst into a bubble that time. i didn't really see what happened because i was floating in the bubble. i just strove for my partner. the witch was enraged when we made it past those 2 challenges. 

she stole the reality away again and this time i was in a dorm with a depressed roommate. it was actually someone i had lab with over the summer. there was a piano and a piece of music. i could have sat down and mastered the piece but instead i decided to stretch the boundaries of the witch's world. i wanted to see how far her magic went so i left the dorm building and ventured out. everything was brown and grey as her magic stretched thin. i turned back to the dorm. this time the room was a cage the stairs were useless as were the doors. the only way in was through a window. my roommate had decided the only way out was to play the song. she was merely pecking keys though like she'd never even seen a piano. i pulled her to the side and started slamming on the keys playing anything my fingers came up with. it sounded terrible but there were good elements to it. everyone, including my depressed roommate smiled. the roof started to cave in and i had to jump from this cage the way i'd climbed back in.

 before i touched the ground the sky glittered away and what was left was a tall building with strong gusty wind. the witch was raging war on this young solider's body. she'd cast 4 charms on him already. his body was shaking and his skin was crawling with what was contained beneath. i don't know how he'd persuaded the witch to cast her charms on him, but the fifth came ripping through the sky as a white stream of light and glitter crashing into his face. the tail of light continued behind as it went inside him. he screamed the whole time and when it had finally entered he collapsed on the ground. clenching his fist he screamed to me and the military men behind me to kill him.  "kill me now!" he screamed "while there's a chance to stop her!" no one behind me made a move toward him. i took the initiative running up to grab his sword. he looked at me with great trust smoldering in his eyes. i could see even in his eyes that the colors from the charms were consuming his irises. i drove the sword into his skull where the 5th white charm had entered. he didn't scream, but it seemed that the magic did. it was squealing, whie he wasn't in pain at all. for the first time since i'd arrived at this strange world, he looked relieved and at peace. the colors rose out of his face and chest dissipating the disguise they'd created. the charms turned black and oily and slid off of his skin. again the world around us dribbled away returning to normal blue skies and green grass among other buildings. the people disappeared, too, leading me to believe this was all a challenge for me and me alone. the young man was the only thing that didn't disappear

i didn't look down at the young man, only around thinking i needed to find the witch and my only. it may have been him laying there but i woke up before i could react further.

so this morning was the final exam for organic 2 for the summer term. i did better on this test than i did on any of the others. though during the other tests i was working on lab reports throughout the week. it was incredibly stressful. it's been taking a toll on my physically rather than the usual depression it causes. guess i was enjoying it so much i forgot to be depressed. got an A in both of my labs. and a c in the lecture. overall not a bad semeter. hopefully i can outnumber the lower grades with A's in the fall semester. 

now my summer starts. $2000 of my summer tuition is paid for and now that i'm back on the constant work schedule i'll make the remaining 500 in no time!

working on a birthday gift for my best friend. got this 3 drawer, very large (and heavy) dresser. 10 bucks! amazing! my sister got it at the peddlers mall a real steal. she's a huge help. we're trying to get it done before she goes away to school. it has plenty of dings on it, or did! haha we've sanded it and set it with primer. what dings!? looks awesome. we got paint and supplies for 50 bucks. but wait there's more! yeah you thought this was gonna be some regular old 2 color dresser? nope. we're painting on peacocks because this dresser has 2 45 degree panels on the front. perfect for some tattoo inspired black stencil looking peacocks. on the top part of the dresser i'm painting on these bold stylized peacock feathers. i think the contrast of the orange in the feathers and the peacock blue of the rest of the dresser will be really beautiful. she's doing a peacock sort of theme in her wedding so i thought i'd show her what she likes and what she might be getting into idealistically.

oh yeah i scheduled my younger sister's gyno appointment. mom said she was going to do it all summer and still hadn't. she's going to school this saturday what's the hold up. so i told her i'd do it. and then i did it. now i'm taking her tomorrow. mom wouldn't take her i guess because she didn't want her on birth control. its a safety precaution more than anything and mom doesn't really see it that way. kinda weird.

i ordered metal gear solid and i hope to receive it in the mail someday this week. its the old playstation one. i played a demo back in the 90s before it actually came out and i loved the demo so i'm excited to play the real deal. i've always wanted to play it. now is the time! on my week or so vacation before i get back to work and school.

i'm so proud of myself and i've accomplished so much this summer. i think i'll read some fiction! WOOO! there's something wrong if there's not enough time for fiction. 

this summer i've satisfied:
my work load
my school/ course load
my artsy fartsy load

now all thats left is my free reading load and games load.

first his description, then some dream symbols, and then what it means to me

"i was confused waking up- like my dreams were reality. i dreamed there was a club in my basement, which was much bigger- you couldn't see the walls in any direction. there were rows of beaded curtains every 20 feet or so and there was maybe a foot or 6 inches of water on the ground; black lights above lit up all the beaded curtains and there was music playing. it was actually pretty cool"

i asked him if the basement was flooding and he said it was supposed to be there.

the basement symbolizes the unconscious mind and intuition, and indicative of the level of satisfaction. 
the club represents one's sense of belonging and social aspects of the life. 
there wasn't a good translation for beads or curtains. beads symbolize the tendency to please others and put their needs in front of your own, which doesn't really go with the rest of the dream. light is like shedding truth on a situation or the answer to a question. the dark colored light suggests intensity and passion, and black by itself on a joyous note means hidden spirituality and divine qualities. do i really need to talk about water? serenity, peace, essence of the psyche etc etc.

you never see dream meanings about standing in water. wading through the water peacefully, like being in a good place in life. because he just mentioned the music playing and said it was cool i didn't read into it. all of these symbols suggest being in a good place emotionally.
we've been fighting about something since we started dating and its finally behind us.  i think that's what the dream was about. my boyfriend is finally happy.
i had a dream a long time ago about curtains dripping in water that was about a foot deep. i was just walking through it totally at peace. i think his dream was a lot like that.  there really should be a translation for curtains. 

what does it mean to be happy?
a sense of wellbeing and contentment. is it long term or is it the rush of adrenaline and dopamine?
depression is the opposite of that- persistent negatavistic mood, with worry about the future and negative thoughts about the self.
do you feel happiness when you think you've accomplished what you've set out to do.
does doing what you want to do, being where you want to be, making your own choices make you happy?
or is it living the way you think you're supposed to, doing what you're supposed to do as dictated by society?
is it some balance of these 2 that comes out to happiness?
do sex and love make one happy? things and people? places?

do happy people have no stress?
i think of people with depression who are always sad and alway negative. is there a person who is always happy? would we call them manic or would we call them blessed? is there something wrong with being what we consider happy all the time?

Their eyes met. He'd never seen anything so beautiful. she looked at him, defenseless, insecure, so small. she pleaded  with her tender eyes. he couldn't help himself. He took her, holding her so gently and keeping her close to him. he kissed her. he thought she liked it, but she was still shy and nervous. This had never happened to her. He held her through the whole drive to his house.

in home she still looked nervous. he got her some water to settle her stomach. she was shaking as he stroked her hair. Maybe she should try some food, he thought. surprisingly she ate and warmed up to him. he was grateful that she did because he was beginning to regret his decision until then. he showed her to the bathroom, and before long she was sleeping in his bed.

this was the first time i saw her. my boyfriend looked at me with a little anticipation and a little pride. Her name was Rena. I couldn't understand; he hadn't said anything before about her, and this was a total surprise. i agreed she was breathtaking. my heart fluttered and my stomach flipped in the same instant. she was sleeping, where i sleep, as if she weren't invading my space. she opened her eyes and looked at me saying the same thing. she looked away disinterested and wiggled towards my boyfriend. he said i should introduce myself to her because she's not going anywhere. I told her hello and she pranced over to me.
she was a really cute kitten.